Vintage Onion

Classic - and appropriate for this blog...

Walking Sports Database Scorns Walking Sci-Fi Database

Just To Piss Off FritoP.

Wah wah wah... Hey buddy, just cuz people don't comment on your post doesn't mean they don't read and enjoy them. Do me favor and put some creme on that tender rear-end of yours.

So everybody comment on this super awesome picture of a stoic rider of the high-desert... If he gets more comments on his previous post, I am gonna go ape-crazy.

Look What i missed today

I was so busy working, not a chance to look away at my emails and bam




Some guy trys to blow up Hillary Clinton, It is a bit suspicious coming right after all the hatin she got for that fag plant at the Republican debate.
Actually that wasn't important, because 1, he didn't succeed and 2, it was probably not that reall
Anyways on a much sadder not EVIL KNIEVEL DIED today. Sad

Christmas still sucks

But I had dejavu at the end of the video, I think it was because of that movie BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA

Little Buddy

Here are two articles about Chuey, The Rock & Roll Midget who has his very own mini-bar in Scottsdale...

http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/bastard/2007/05/pull_up_a_stool_at_chueys_midg.php

http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/2006-04-13/news/mouthful-of-midget/

TV Review: Tom Thumb in the Land of the Giants (1999)

While on vacation, I was introduced to a show on TLC called "Little People: Big World" I have come to learn that it is quite popular and everybody but me is acquainted with it. I have to tell you, this show is incredible! It mixes all the best parts of reality tv, drama, road trips, fantasy and sci-fi! TLC was playing a marathon, so I got a good dose of the show... I am hooked!

To catch you up if you haven't seen the show, this is a family promulgated by two midges - their first two kids are twins, one normal size, and one adorable. They also have two more regular size children.... making for all kinds of hilarious hi jinks!

There are so many special moments contained in the few episodes I watched, I don't know where to start! The family takes a trip to Sedona to view the red-rocks, and the mother wanted to take a picture of the family. Mom backs out on a ledge to get everyone in and... wooosh! a hawk swooped down and snatched poor mommy off the rock and carried her to its nest far atop a majestic outcrop! How dramatic! Not to worry, her adorable soccer-playing son coaxed a passing eagle to land and fly him up to the hawk's perch to rescue her!

If you have seen the show, the father has some leg problems and his lack of mobility and constant pain are truly heartbreaking. But all that gloom just melts away when you witness Dad take some balloons from a clown at a birthday party and float off into the sunset! Cursing and spitting while his teeny-tiny crutches fall back to earth... The normal size son was quick on the job, and anticipating such a development - had brought his BB gun. A few well-placed shots brought Poppa gently back to earth (legs a-danglin').

Like I said before - there is so much to this show, a short column does it no justice. I could go on and on about the time Father tried to take his car keys back from his son and was thwarted by the old move of holding his forehead and keeping him at arm's length while his chubby little arms swung away in frustration.... Or the time "Adorable" went to a magical land full of people JUST LIKE HIM!!! OMG!! HOW CUTE!! They called it a LPC (Little People Convention) but I swear it looked like Las Vegas. He managed to get his first kiss in an elevator at Circus Circus... I am glad I wasn't waiting there when the door opened! I would have sprayed my Long Island Iced Tea all over the adorable little lovebirds!

You should check out this wonderful show! and here's hoping they don't run into any critters on that farm of theirs!

Pugilism

I had the honor this weekend of attending a funeral for a great man who served as a teacher and principal for over 40 years. He will truly be missed by friends and family alike. Jack McLeod had the kind of personality that is impossible to forget, and we should all take the opportunity to learn something from the way he chose to live his life. Jack was the principal at an elementary school in Yuma (the infamous Ronald Reagan Fundamental School) and most of my brothers and sisters attended while he was there.
After the service, my family and I were having lunch and reminiscing. My mother said "Jace (my youngest brother) told me his favorite memory of Principal McLeod was sitting in his office after a fight at school. Jack told him 'Jace, I love you like a son - but you got to go' and he suspended him". For those of you that don't know, Jace has had a rough go of it since - A venereal disease has ravaged his brain, turning it the consistency of oatmeal.... and the fact that he remembers anything other than peanut butter is a blessing. My father jumped in and said "I think he suspended Court too". I admitted that I had been suspended in elementary school for fighting as well (albeit by a different principal).
As I was telling my story, I realized how lame it was (none of us really want to fight, much less are any good at it). I was playing soccer (very poorly) and one of the better athletes insisted I throw him the ball from the sideline. Always thinking too much, I spied another player and tossed the ball to him. The athlete was upset, walked up to me and punched me right in the face. We were both suspended...
I know we all have similar stories. Now is your chance to share your "lame" fight stories from the past. Trust me, the more pathetic the better. If you share a story about you curbing somebody and then thrashing his 13 cousins - you are a liar and should probably have a MySpace page. So, in honor of a great man who tried to do his best - share away, make me feel better about myself.

Rumors of Kent

My mother's older brother is somewhat of a legend in our family. People meet my mother, her parents or other siblings first, and they can hardly believe Kent is the eldest son. All of my cousins, brothers and sisters adore him, as he brings much needed "spice" to the family. I believe he takes himself for a renaissance man, but I prefer to view him as the rugged adventurer - his age be damned!!! He is my "Jack London" inspiration...
One of Kent's defining characteristics has been his ponytail... I think the first time I saw it was ten years ago at my sister's wedding. Well, things often change - sometimes for better reasons than others. The ponytail is no more! Kent recently went on a scuba diving trip with a few friends. While in the drink, Kent found himself face to face with a whale shark... Of course his first instinct was to unsheath the K-Bar strapped to his thigh and plunge the blade into the demon's forehead-right between the eyes... Next, his training would compel him to swing around and mount the beast (twisting the blade of the knife as he spun around) - and ride it to the surface, a cloud of blood and flesh in their wake. Unfortunately his lack of grooming conspired against him as his beautiful hair became a curse - wafting around his head obscuring his vision. Kent must have fallen back on the "mind-bullets" he learned in some god-forsaken jungle at the feet of a Cambodian shaman, because the shark turned tail and ran - never knowing how close it had come to being gutted and strung up on the pier.
In any event, the hair is gone... and so is the shark's last chance. Be warned you devils of the deep.